For Cal

[hisfathersimage]

It was two months after Endor.

A perfectly normal (for him) night's sleep was interrupted. It was like a mental hiccup, or a system reboot. He wasn't aware of anything and then-

The bond snapped into place before he gained awareness. It was old and young and familiar, a previously cautious candlelight that felt closer to a hearthfire now, tempered and warming and clear. The memories rushed back as he woke, sitting up with a choked gasp and a flare of Force awareness and anxiety bright enough that he felt Leia awaken on the otherside of the system with it.

He couldn't explain to her. To anyone. All he could do was throw on clothes as he went, grabbing the bare necessities and choking out something about 'Jedi business, another Jedi, I can feel him' before he was loading up R2 and the X-Wing.

Outer Rim.

He went to Botajef. Intersection of major hyperspace lanes. Near Dathomir, near Yavin, it felt significant and right.

And once he was there, he set himself outside of the main city and he reached out, along the bond and just in general, because he knows the bond is good, but at the same time, he isn't confident about it.

Cal Kestis. I'm here. I know you.

Comments

[bunchofscrewups]

Being without Luke, even if only the few minutes it would take to run that errand, is a thought he'd rather not entertain right now. Maybe in a few days he'll stop feeling like it's not real, and then he'll be able to relax and let Luke out of his sight without feeling ... something. He's not sure what it would feel like, since Luke hasn't left. He'd rather not find out.

So he shakes his head with a quiet noise instead of the word 'no', then moves yet closer to wrap his arms and his towel around Luke from behind. And he burrows his nose in the back of his neck, closing his eyes as he breathes him in.

[hisfathersimage]

There's a pin prickling down his spine of anxiety that isn't his and then warm, freckled arms around him and a warm body he can encourage to drape over him. "It's okay. I'm here. I'm staying with you."

He reaches back with one hand to rub Cal's scalp. "I know you. I'm here."

[bunchofscrewups]

"Mmm."

Of course, he knows that, and it feels ridiculous to worry about it. But he knows very well that you can't exactly control your feelings, so he'll just have to accept both that he doesn't want to be more than a few steps away from Luke, and that he feels ridiculous about it.

The next moment, he finds himself smiling about it, and he squeezes his arms tighter around Luke.

"Good, because you're stuck with me forever."

[hisfathersimage]

It's okay to feel anxious, or fearful, or silly. Feelings are just feelings. It's what you do with them that counts.

And right now, what he wants to do with all their mixed emotions is hug the arms around his body and, swaying them back and forth, keep marching towards the bed.

[bunchofscrewups]

Any anxiousness still lingering is at least mostly soothed by just holding onto Luke, and the swaying helps too. Cal's smile widens a little further with it, and he soon has to laugh. This has to look completely ridiculous, and it's been so long since he was this happy.

Lots of mixed emotions.

"So how's the food here?"

[hisfathersimage]

Utterly ridiculous and wonderful. Cal's laughter is better than the sweetest music and his happiness is sweet as sugar ant honey.

"It's better than usual ship or Rebel fare?" It wasn't going to win awards, but it was a welcome relief from the usual rations and MREs. "Is there anything you've been craving?"

[bunchofscrewups]

"I don't suppose they have any Lateron food? I haven't seen Greez in a while now."

It's pretty unlikely, unfortunately. That's the worst part about it, that Greez has gone and spoiled him with great Lateron food that can't just easily be found everywhere.

"I guess any stew would be nice. With vegetables. Xorrn didn't have a lot of that."

[hisfathersimage]

"It's... not likely? I didn't check. I'll ask." He puts through a call to room service, double checks they don't have Lateron food and then orders two stews with a jug of water, glasses and another jug of milk.

There's a room fridge should either of them want something stronger.

[bunchofscrewups]

While Luke does that, Cal makes himself comfortable in bed. To avoid falling asleep again - something that's definitely a risk - he doesn't lie down, but he sits at the headboard and cocoons himself in the covers. It's strange to be taken care of like this after spending so much time with just BD and himself.

But it's sort of nice too. Feels like home. It's the kind of thing Greez does without even thinking about it.

There's a gnawing worry in the back of his mind, though, that it's not ... fair. Back in their own reality, he's reminded of how similar their experiences are, how hard life has been for both of them. He doesn't want Luke to focus so much on taking care of him that he forgets himself. It's a bad habit that Cal has, too, and Luke reminds him of himself in so many ways.

"Someday, I'll spoil you in turn."

[hisfathersimage]

Luke orders food and drinks but doesn't settle in yet because he knows he'll be reluctant to get up again to get the door. He does pull on a robe to avoid traumatising whatever poor soul brings their food up to them.

"Hm? If you want." He sits on the edge of the bed and leans in to give Cal a kiss. "I like spoiling you. And I'm guessing it's been a long time since anyone spoiled you like this."

[bunchofscrewups]

His eyes flutter shut at the kiss, and he makes a pleasant hum as he enjoys the way it lingers on his lips. For the n-th time, the joy to finally have Luke with him hits him in a wave that makes him smile painfully wide.

"Yeah," he says with a short nod, then tilts his head a little as he watches Luke for a moment. "How long has it been since anyone spoiled you?"

[hisfathersimage]

"Mm." He considers it. "Last time you did it in Duplicity. So not that long ago for me."

And he steals another kiss from Cal's smile. "You look so good when you smile."

[bunchofscrewups]

Oh, that's right. Obviously.

He laughs sheepishly, quietly, and it's quickly muffled by that kiss. Although he doesn't particularly feel embarrassed, he thinks his cheeks might still be reddening somewhat. Or maybe he's feeling warm because he's wrapped himself so tightly in this blanket.

It seems that even though he knows perfectly well about the difference in time - as painfully aware of it that he's had to be - it's so easy to forget that it happened just now for Luke. Maybe it's because of how painfully aware he's had to be that it's so difficult to wrap his head around it.

"Good thing you make it so easy to smile, then."

[hisfathersimage]

It's less jarring for Luke, because he's able to look at Cal and see the time that Cal's had since Duplicity, whereas for Cal, it's been years, but Luke looks the same and that has to be a bit of a mind fuck.

"I want to keep making you smile for many years to come," Luke murmurs, leaning in closer for just one more kiss, but then the door chimes and he sighs instead. "Be in a moment. Coming!"

Food and drink. Which they need. Refuelling is important.

[bunchofscrewups]

Food is very needed, and the moment he realises it's within their grasp, he realises that he's actually starving. But to be denied a kiss like that? He can't stop the sigh that escapes him, and he really wants to just pull Luke into it first. The food can wait for just a few seconds, surely?

But he resists it, and instead takes some time to unwrap himself, draping the covers over his lap instead. Better for eating.

[hisfathersimage]

If they fall back into kissing, they won't get anything eaten. Luke knows it. Cal knows it. The Force knows it.

He even keeps the robe on to make it easier on them.

Things are quiet for a bit as they both get some food in them. And some liquids.

[bunchofscrewups]

That might be true. But Cal also might be hungry enough to insist on eating. He's definitely hungry enough to be glad for the silence so he can focus on that, and not rush too much so he can properly savour the fact that this is the freshest food he's had in a couple of weeks.

Eventually, when he feels full enough to really slow down, he leans back against the headboard with a satisfied sigh.

"So ... There's a lot to catch you up on. Anything you want to ask?"

Probably difficult for Luke to know just what to ask, but he might as well check.

[hisfathersimage]

Luke eats, but spends a certain amount of time just watching Cal, enjoying his presence and the comfort of the bond between them.

Things to ask... there are things he wants to ask, but isn't sure he should. But so many more that he just doesn't know enough to begin articulating questions.

"You can tell me you don't want to answer but... has there been anyone else? It's been a long time, I don't want to think you were alone for all of it," he hurries to explain. Not about jealousy or competition. Just, wanting to know who else has mattered, has given Cal a sense of belonging.

[bunchofscrewups]

Truthfully, he was never worried that Luke might be jealous. Maybe the fact that that was never a problem had more to do with the circumstances that they were forced in to in Duplicity, but he also always felt that Luke was simply like that. That what mattered to him was simply that the people he loves are happy, more than anything else.

The smile that spreads on Cal's face is warm, and he idly stirs the stew.

"Yeah," he says, with a quick nod. "Merrin. We were together a couple of years. I tried with some other people I met, too, but no one else was anything close to what I had with both of you. Maybe if we never met I would've stayed with her too, but I knew I was just waiting on you so I decided to ... stop trying." After a second, he realises how it sounds, and turns to look at Luke with a reassuring smile. "But I still see Merrin a lot. And others. I've never really been alone."

[hisfathersimage]

And sure enough, Luke just smiles, honestly glad that Cal's had someone. "I hope I get to meet her one day. She must be something special if it lasted a couple of years." He offers his left hand to Cal, hoping Cal might share some of his emotions and impressions about Merrin.

[bunchofscrewups]

"Oh, I intend to introduce you. And I hope you intend to introduce me to Leia and the others."

But he's glad to offer his perspective for now, reaching out to take that hand. The unlikely alliance - Nightsister and Jedi - formed by shared experiences of loss, grief, and pain, but also of hope and fervour. Losing everyone they loved only to find a new family together, and deciding that they'd fight to ensure no one else ever had to go through what they went through.

He still remembers the moment she decided to travel with them, as clear as if it were yesterday.

'Nightsisters and Jedi do not travel together, but survivors ... We adapt.'

[hisfathersimage]

The name means nothing to Luke, but the feelings, the unifying force of grief, finding a new family in the grips of it...

It was how he and Han met, while he was grieving his aunt and uncle. And he and Leia, her in the cold shock of losing Alderaan, him in the shock of Ben's death echoing in his soul.

He squeezes Cal's hand, giving a small smile and a nod. "Definitely."

[bunchofscrewups]

And that is also the reason the two of them got along so easily, understood each other without having to explain anything. He squeezes Luke's hand in turn, then lets go to keep eating.

"And I guess this is relevant to your interests-- We ended up being responsible for a Force-sensitive child. All grown up now. You'll get to meet her too."

[hisfathersimage]

"... you have a daughter." Wow. Cal has a daughter. Not by blood, but they both know that doesn't have to mean anything. "How old is she? What's her name? Is she with Merrin, I shouldn't really assume you raised her with Merrin..."

[bunchofscrewups]

"She probably wouldn't think of herself as that, but yeah." He can't deny that's what he's thought of her as, for a long time. "Her name is Kata. She's 21, and last I heard, she's with Merrin, yeah. We did kind of raise her together, but a lot of others were involved too. She had a lot of people looking out for her."

All she'd wanted was to not be alone, and they'd made sure she never would be.