For Cal

[hisfathersimage]

It was two months after Endor.

A perfectly normal (for him) night's sleep was interrupted. It was like a mental hiccup, or a system reboot. He wasn't aware of anything and then-

The bond snapped into place before he gained awareness. It was old and young and familiar, a previously cautious candlelight that felt closer to a hearthfire now, tempered and warming and clear. The memories rushed back as he woke, sitting up with a choked gasp and a flare of Force awareness and anxiety bright enough that he felt Leia awaken on the otherside of the system with it.

He couldn't explain to her. To anyone. All he could do was throw on clothes as he went, grabbing the bare necessities and choking out something about 'Jedi business, another Jedi, I can feel him' before he was loading up R2 and the X-Wing.

Outer Rim.

He went to Botajef. Intersection of major hyperspace lanes. Near Dathomir, near Yavin, it felt significant and right.

And once he was there, he set himself outside of the main city and he reached out, along the bond and just in general, because he knows the bond is good, but at the same time, he isn't confident about it.

Cal Kestis. I'm here. I know you.

Comments

[hisfathersimage]

Wanted and had known to look for.

Luke looks up at Cal, hand coming to rest on his cheek again, nails lightly scratching. "I'm so sorry you spent so long waiting. I'm not saying it's my fault, I'm just sorry you went through that."

Which he softens with a lingering kiss.

[bunchofscrewups]

All those times he'd wished he had Luke by his side - all those times he struggled with his own morals, with his reasons for everything he was doing, when he lost people that he loved - suddenly seem very small and unimportant now that they're here. Of course, they weren't. They were monumental. There had been so much anxiety, so much grief, so much anger and hatred, and he knows Luke would've known just the right thing to say every time.

He'd had Greez and Merrin, of course. And BD-1, and Zee. Everyone on Koboh, honestly, had been a comfort. Without them ...

No point thinking about the what-ifs. They'd been together, and that had made all the difference. And now he finally has Luke. Finally.

"Me too. I'm so glad it's over."

[hisfathersimage]

Their bond is strong and Luke can feel flickers of emotion from Cal, complicated and fleeting, weighty with age and lightened a little by distance of time. All he can do is press another soft kiss to Cal's mouth, hand just a little possessive on his jaw still.

"I know we're going to fly off and just abandon society for a while... but for now, room service and back to bed?" For now, Cal deserves a bit of spoiling.

[bunchofscrewups]

"Yeah," he breathes out in a whisper, and gently bumps his forehead into Luke's as his arms squeeze around him.

After a couple of seconds, he reluctantly lets go. A fleeting thought that he wishes Luke could have met Cere passes through his mind, along with a twinge of grief and regret, and he takes a deep breath to let it go and not linger on it. Not the first time he thinks about it, and it won't be the last. Just as usual, it's accompanied with the thought 'what if I'd stayed, what if I'd gone back like Bode said I should'. And, as usual, he tells himself that maybe he would be dead too. Impossible to know, pointless to think about.

He offers a smile that he immediately tells is sadder than he means it to be. He wants to tell Luke everything that's happened right this moment, and at the same time he feels exhausted by the very idea.

[hisfathersimage]

Luke shuts off the water with a thought, unwilling to turn his attention (and hands) from Cal right now. There's a fragility to him, one he'd always had but less covered with bluster or fear than it was before.

"We've got time," he promises. "There's no rush, I know there's a lot for me to catch up on, but I don't need to know it all now. I know it happened. That's enough."

[bunchofscrewups]

And, of course, he doesn't need to voice any of it because Luke can tell. He laughs a little, and brings his hands up to cup Luke's cheeks.

"I'd forgotten what it's like to be around you."

That they barely even need to speak, that they just know these things anyway. After so long away from it, it feels strange, a little more exposed than he usually prefers. If it was anyone but Luke, it would be disturbing. But it's definitely strange.

He'll get used to it.

[hisfathersimage]

Bursting with empathy, mundane and otherwise. He doesn't know details, just feels the emotions as they rise and sink.

"I hope that's more good than bad," he quips, but he's also letting his eyes drift and leaning into the hands on him with a smile on his face.

[bunchofscrewups]

"It is."

He's not worried about Luke knowing everything about him.

With the water turned off, the air's starting to feel pretty chilly, and as a shiver runs through him he drops his hands again. He needs a towel.

"Okay, let's go."

[hisfathersimage]

Luke's got a lot more used to cold, and he normally loves air drying as a luxury he just didn't have growing up, but Cal's made a good point. Standing around in the shower pales in comparison to going back to bed.

He crowds them both out, calling towels to them as they go.

[bunchofscrewups]

He wastes no time wrapping himself up in the towel, drying off his face as he walks out of the bathroom. And he stops outside the doorway, looking at his pile of clothes left in a pile from earlier and ... Putting those on would mean all the effort to get a bit cleaner would be wasted, and he didn't bring any from the ship.

"I don't have a change of clothes," he says, covering half his face with a hand as he huffs wryly at himself.

[hisfathersimage]

Luke has clean clothes and could go get them for him...

Instead, he roughly and quickly dries off his body before starting to towel is hair into a drier mess. "Well, I suppose you're trapped here until they've been through a clean and returned. Stuck with me. Naked."

[bunchofscrewups]

With a playfully offended sound, he takes a step closer to put a hand on Luke's head, ruffling his hair and then gently shoving him. There's no need to read Luke's mind for him to know there are probably clean clothes here, and even if they wouldn't quite fit him, they'd do. But lounging around naked for a while doesn't seem like a bad plan either.

"I see. You just want to be able to touch me when you please."

Which he absolutely does not have a problem with.

[hisfathersimage]

"Absolutely." And there's no shame about it either. "I'd like to touch you as much as possible for as long as you'll let me." He just keeps grinning as he's lightly shoved about. "Or, you know, if you insist, I could get dressed and go and get your clothes from your ship. But only if you really, really insist."

[bunchofscrewups]

Being without Luke, even if only the few minutes it would take to run that errand, is a thought he'd rather not entertain right now. Maybe in a few days he'll stop feeling like it's not real, and then he'll be able to relax and let Luke out of his sight without feeling ... something. He's not sure what it would feel like, since Luke hasn't left. He'd rather not find out.

So he shakes his head with a quiet noise instead of the word 'no', then moves yet closer to wrap his arms and his towel around Luke from behind. And he burrows his nose in the back of his neck, closing his eyes as he breathes him in.

[hisfathersimage]

There's a pin prickling down his spine of anxiety that isn't his and then warm, freckled arms around him and a warm body he can encourage to drape over him. "It's okay. I'm here. I'm staying with you."

He reaches back with one hand to rub Cal's scalp. "I know you. I'm here."

[bunchofscrewups]

"Mmm."

Of course, he knows that, and it feels ridiculous to worry about it. But he knows very well that you can't exactly control your feelings, so he'll just have to accept both that he doesn't want to be more than a few steps away from Luke, and that he feels ridiculous about it.

The next moment, he finds himself smiling about it, and he squeezes his arms tighter around Luke.

"Good, because you're stuck with me forever."

[hisfathersimage]

It's okay to feel anxious, or fearful, or silly. Feelings are just feelings. It's what you do with them that counts.

And right now, what he wants to do with all their mixed emotions is hug the arms around his body and, swaying them back and forth, keep marching towards the bed.

[bunchofscrewups]

Any anxiousness still lingering is at least mostly soothed by just holding onto Luke, and the swaying helps too. Cal's smile widens a little further with it, and he soon has to laugh. This has to look completely ridiculous, and it's been so long since he was this happy.

Lots of mixed emotions.

"So how's the food here?"

[hisfathersimage]

Utterly ridiculous and wonderful. Cal's laughter is better than the sweetest music and his happiness is sweet as sugar ant honey.

"It's better than usual ship or Rebel fare?" It wasn't going to win awards, but it was a welcome relief from the usual rations and MREs. "Is there anything you've been craving?"

[bunchofscrewups]

"I don't suppose they have any Lateron food? I haven't seen Greez in a while now."

It's pretty unlikely, unfortunately. That's the worst part about it, that Greez has gone and spoiled him with great Lateron food that can't just easily be found everywhere.

"I guess any stew would be nice. With vegetables. Xorrn didn't have a lot of that."

[hisfathersimage]

"It's... not likely? I didn't check. I'll ask." He puts through a call to room service, double checks they don't have Lateron food and then orders two stews with a jug of water, glasses and another jug of milk.

There's a room fridge should either of them want something stronger.

[bunchofscrewups]

While Luke does that, Cal makes himself comfortable in bed. To avoid falling asleep again - something that's definitely a risk - he doesn't lie down, but he sits at the headboard and cocoons himself in the covers. It's strange to be taken care of like this after spending so much time with just BD and himself.

But it's sort of nice too. Feels like home. It's the kind of thing Greez does without even thinking about it.

There's a gnawing worry in the back of his mind, though, that it's not ... fair. Back in their own reality, he's reminded of how similar their experiences are, how hard life has been for both of them. He doesn't want Luke to focus so much on taking care of him that he forgets himself. It's a bad habit that Cal has, too, and Luke reminds him of himself in so many ways.

"Someday, I'll spoil you in turn."

[hisfathersimage]

Luke orders food and drinks but doesn't settle in yet because he knows he'll be reluctant to get up again to get the door. He does pull on a robe to avoid traumatising whatever poor soul brings their food up to them.

"Hm? If you want." He sits on the edge of the bed and leans in to give Cal a kiss. "I like spoiling you. And I'm guessing it's been a long time since anyone spoiled you like this."

[bunchofscrewups]

His eyes flutter shut at the kiss, and he makes a pleasant hum as he enjoys the way it lingers on his lips. For the n-th time, the joy to finally have Luke with him hits him in a wave that makes him smile painfully wide.

"Yeah," he says with a short nod, then tilts his head a little as he watches Luke for a moment. "How long has it been since anyone spoiled you?"

[hisfathersimage]

"Mm." He considers it. "Last time you did it in Duplicity. So not that long ago for me."

And he steals another kiss from Cal's smile. "You look so good when you smile."